Communication Is Key In A Relationship

About 2 years ago, I decided to start dating at the age of 23 (first relationship ever!). On our second date, Dre and I gave each other our list of expectations and I remember discussing effective communication as one of mine. I said "Effective communication is super important, if we don't have effective communication in our relationship, what are we doing? " Relationships aren't easy neither is communication, that takes a lot of work.

Throughout our relationship, Dre and I both struggle with communicating in effective ways when we're annoyed or stressed as many people do.

Of course at the beginning of any relationship everything seems sweet like candy and pretty as a rainbow. After that 6 month mark, where you think or feel like you know each other... things get a little rough.

When we are annoyed, frustrated or stressed, all the sweetness goes out the window. Social interactions and physical touch turn into silent treatments, irritated stares, acting standoff-ish and then not wanting to be around your partner anymore.

Then, it's not what you say, it's how you say it, this part can hurt, make you angry and leave you more irritated than before. Often times between us, it's the harsh comments and the weird actions. Weird actions can be as simple as no hand-holding, no smiling, no goofiness and not communicating how you feel or what you're thinking when the other person clearly can read your face.

You have moments when you're set in your ways and don't want to see or think beyond them to soothe your partner. Putting feelings, emotions and thoughts aside doesn't come easy to people when they're mad or having their moments. Taking time to process, think, reflect and calm down is important as well.

In many situations, I have given Dre the silent treatment or delay in talking about things because I'm in my feelings (I don't like talking about my feelings). On the the other hand, Dre wears his emotions on his sleeve, so when things pile up and he can't process it all he goes into "shut down mode" as we like to call it and I have to really try to get him to open up.

Asking simple questions like "What's wrong? Are you okay?" wouldn't cut it and he would give me basic responses and or shut down and I used to feel like I was pulling teeth to get him to talk. I'd end up annoyed because I can read his face, body language, vibes and getting him to talk shouldn't be that difficult. When he shuts down, I shut down and that isn't healthy communication.

Shutting down and reciprocating negativity energy leads to ignoring the issue and no one being heard or understood, which causes more conflict later on. The positive and effective lesson here is to try different approaches and don't give up on communicating, it's been a year later we are still working on this.

Having effective communication is most important in a relationship because it's a two-way street. Effective communication is significant because it shows two people can put their thoughts and emotions aside and work through tough conversations by talking to each other in an appropriate way. Communication is always a work in progress in a relationship so,

Some important things to remember are:

1. Make time to talk, find the right time

2. Talk facing each other, pay attention to reactions and body language

3. Don't attack, be careful with what you say and how you say it, don't get defensive or less receptive to what each other has to say

4. Honesty is key! Sometimes you want to protect the other person's feelings, speak up when you feel or think something

5. Don't go too long being mad with each other, talk, apologize, let stuff go and move on

6. See each other's POV (point of view), feeling heard and understood is a mutual thing, don't be so stuck on your own perspective

7. Compromise is a must, find ways to diffuse and resolve the issue so that both people are happy

8. Make progress, keep working at improving communication because it takes effort and commitment